She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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