I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
