Only a mothe r could love this liver
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize