If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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