And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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