just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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