Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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