The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
