he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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