like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
