my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
