Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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