Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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