Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
