Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
