So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
