My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
