god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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