Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
