That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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