This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
