oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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