The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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