i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
