The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
