i was born a porn star she said
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
