Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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