I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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