I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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