my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
