he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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