I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
