go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
