i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
