So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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