It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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