What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
