Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
