you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
