you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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