Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
