How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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