you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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