and my herpes radar will keep us safe
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So vagazzling was a success
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
