they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
