3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
