i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
