Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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