I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
