just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize