we have pet lesbian snakes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
