i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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