Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
