lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The Olympian is in my bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
