Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
