Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
