Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
