If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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